HOW ALTERING ATTITUDES HELPS

We cannot choose the circumstances in which we live. There are times we cannot guard our lives against accidents, misfortunes, or even tragedies. If the country's economy goes downhill and we are out of job, we cannot singlehandedly do anything about it. If a relation dies in a road accident, we are powerless to stop it happening. Life is full of incidents and accidents which are set in motion despite our wishes.

But we are free to choose our response to such accidents. We cannot choose the hand of cards life deals out to us, but we can decide how to play them. We have the power to change our attitudes. We can choose to be happy and grateful for the good things in our lives, or we can choose to be miserable and full of self-pity about the bad things.

Unfortunately, many of us have developed attitudes of mind which do not make us happy. These attitudes are often ingrained ways of looking at things, or responding to events, which may not even be obvious to the person who has them. Yet they are there.

Take for instance, a perfectionist. A perfectionist attitude is one that requires too much not only of others, but also of oneself. The perfectionist wants everything to be just so all the time. Naturally, he or she is often disappointed.

The perfectionist expects a lot of his or herself. Perhaps he or she is the perfect husband or wife who works night and day to keep up to the standard of living. He or she expects a lot of others too. He or she is always nagging his or her co-workers or employees about being efficient - or he or she round up things after them, a martyr all the way. He or she complains about slaving away in the office and the thoughtlessness of others.

The problem is not his or her office or co-workers or employees. The problem is his or her own perfectionist expectations. And one way of making him or her happy would be to drop this particular attitude, expect less from him or herself and others, and be content with a slightly unefficient work. If he or she can do this, he or she will be more content.

Our attitudes which hurt people are self-pity, anger, fear, self-obsession, pride and its companion insecurity, and trying to control others. These attitude actually hurt the person who holds them. It is impossible to be angry and happy at the same time. It is impossible to be both full of self-pity and happy.

Changing atttitudes is not at all easy. Many people refuse to even try. They say they are angry perhaps, because other people treat them badly - thus justifying their own attitudes. They cannnot see that they are hurting themselves. But changing attitudes is possible. For those who have courage and persistence to try, it can be very rewarding.